Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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