he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
