OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
