i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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