It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They took my balls.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
