I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
