hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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