I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
