Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
