Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
