It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
