So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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