Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I skipped work to stalk him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
