My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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