Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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