I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Damn victory sex feels great
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
