One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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