too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
