the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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