I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
