He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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