i jhust puked up my retainher.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
