walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
