I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
