i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
