I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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