I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
