I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who died my cat blue again?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
