please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
