weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
