i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
