this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
