Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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