yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
