i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize