About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
