If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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