wanna go halves on a baby?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
