sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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