Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
