why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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