and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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