Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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