sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
