Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
