i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so let's talk penis.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
