WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
Thatβs basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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