I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
