I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize