Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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