cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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