FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize