Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
