i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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