yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
