I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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