Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
