My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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