Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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