Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
do nipples grow back?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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