How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
