i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
