i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
